I keep learning things in my life right at the times we go to press. Or is it that I'm more aware of it at these times. Or do I create these learnings so I can share? Doesn't matter. I'm just happy to learn.
I have a good friend that I also have a business relationship with. In that aspect of our relationship our communications became unclear, too much was left unaddressed. As time progressed and the issues needed to be discussed, I was surprised at his needs and he felt unappreciated. My first reaction was anger and his was hurt. Both of us became defensive. I realized something else was needed, fast. So I acknowledged the goodness in him, which was real. The patience, persistence, the dedication to our project. Then I explained my surprise. And offered that he wasn't being unreasonable, only late in expressing his needs. And yes, I could have also been more aware of a need for clarity, and asked him. So we agreed communication was important, and agreed to think about it and reconvene soon, so our project could continue.
Scheduling required immediate work on the project, so we delayed the conversation, but the feelings were good. When we finally approached the subject, he added one new requirement, small, but it took me over the edge. I couldn't talk about it right then. The next day, I was filled with the sense that this was a terrible place for our friendship to go and yet I was feeling an old pattern of righteous indignation. (Strong, defensive me of anyone or anything that didn't love me.) Sound like a warrior approach to life?
Thank goodness for the teachings and example of my good friend Serge King and Huna. Serge is very accessible on second level. It was too late at night to phone him and yet my telepathic call was answered. This usually happens in the form of inspired knowingness but this time it came in the form of a dream. One so ludicrous I had to laugh about the situation, and so poignant, I had to get it.
In response to any situation in life, we can fight (resist, defend, argue) flee (literally run away, ignore, deny) or love (be loving, appreciative, caring enough to find a harmonious solution). My first and old habit of reacting with anger, defensiveness, and then letting go of even the friendship if need be, would most likely produce similar responses in the other person. (In my dream I fought, like a crusader!) So I let the wisdom of another way, the way of love, have a voice.
Yes, I value our friendship. "But not at the expense of my self esteem." Quiet. Can I be loving to him first? "It won't be easy." Why couldn't it be? "He'll be just as demanding and unwavering as yesterday." Expect the best! Those three words helped me hold a loving focus. He returned hours later and his first words, after good morning, were: "I brought you a gift, come see if you want it!" Even at a distance, he felt my change of attitude enough to open his heart to where we both wanted to be. It was so easy to talk from there, after a big aloha hug!
What a powerful event this was for me. To move from a place of great fear that the good feelings were somehow spoiled forever back to a place of great love and to get there so quickly. Yes it takes two to tango, but I firmly believe the outer world reflects the inner. If I had dwelt more on the negative potential, my friend would have found a reason to give up on me too. Now we can continue to adventure together, with this experience in the power of Aloha as a shared memory. I send you all blessings of this Aloha Mana!
Susan Pa'iniu Floyd is an Alakai of Huna International and the Managing Director of Aloha International. She trains practitioners of Hawaiian massage and teachers of Huna, and teaches classes and courses on Huna, Hawaiian Massage, Hawaiian Shamanism and Hula throughout the world, especially in Europe. Check the Activity Hut for her schedule and contact her by the information given below.
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Copyright by Aloha International 2001