It was a sunny late afternoon when I met Mariatta. We sat under a huge apple tree in the coolness of its shadow. The air was soaked with all kinds of flavours, sweet and tart. A gentle breeze soothed our skin. While she was weaving a gorgeous tapestry Mariatta told her story.
"I was born in a family of tapestry makers. All the tapestries fashioned in our family were grey. Different facets of grey, of course, light grey to very dark grey, but you always see grey.
In my early years I was sitting next to my mother and was just able to weave a tapestry. I chose to play with colours. So I started to weave my own original colourful tapestry. I was not yet finished when all eyes where gazing at me--my mother, my grandmother, my aunties. Even my father went along. In our family it wasn't allowed to use colourful threads.
I grew up weaving tapestries. I wove all the ancestral energies into my tapestries and they became more and more grey, even dark grey. Sometimes a little bit of colour was shining through the grey, but it wasn't allowed to put your own colour in it. As I became older and older I felt something was going wrong. Something caused pressure on my body. Joyful, playful life, where have you gone? But I wove with grey, the same pattern over and over again. I learned it from my family and my lifetimes before. I sank deep into grey until my body literally exploded.
I was diagnosed with cancer and had a major surgery. My whole life fell apart. My wonderful job, my really good relationship with my husband, my health, all fell apart.
Today you find me here sitting under this beautiful apple tree, enjoying life in good health, living a loving, inspiring and free relationship with my husband. It feels like a fresh morning dew.
How could I go through all these challenges, realizing a better life, you will ask? The answer is very simple, so easy that most humans can't understand it. I allowed, I just allowed and took a deep breath! At first it wasn't that easy. Allowing my body to have cancer, allowing my husband to have another relationship! The moments when I fought against it, I used grey when weaving my tapestry. I was living all the old patterns, all I had learned, all my beliefs, all my dogmas.
The moments when I could allow things to be as they were, my tapestry became colourful. I was able to create a new pattern. My own self-contained pattern. What a joy. I took off all the grey, all the resistance and realized a new live-giving pattern.
I will tell you a secret. At the core you are pure consciousness. Consciousness is awareness. But please, don't mistake consciousness for thoughts. Consciousness isn't energy but energy serves consciousness. Fighting something means living it. Why? Because you put your awareness into the fight and energy will serve it. Asking the question why, why me, why do I have this illness, this problem in my relationship, will create more of it. You will never get the answer but you will receive more of your problems because you put your awareness deeply into it.
In allowing you don't put your energy into your issues. You simply are acknowledging, accepting yourself, your life, your issues. Allowing will instantaneously take away all of your resistance. You will feel a free and open flow of energy through all parts of your being, no more stuck energy. Then you can choose. Then you can put your awareness wherever you like it to be--into health, good relationship, abundance, beauty.
It is that simple. But keep in mind that most humans don't know what to choose. They are so deeply used to weaving grey that they forget about the other colours. Even if they would know about it, they wouldn't allow themselves to change and choose. They are so used to drama. It gives them a feeling of being alive.
What are you choosing? The drama, the fight or the joyful living?
I invite you to join me a little longer. See this beautiful apple tree, feel and smell the fresh and warm air, listen to the wind, feel the earth. And now take a deep deep breath and feel into my words, feel into "the allowing." Not with your mind. Your mind will never figure it out. Do "the allowing" with your breath. Don't struggle. Understand it needs time to integrate the allowing into your life. Be the observer of yourself, of your life and make a choice in every moment, fighting yourself or allowing and choosing. As pure consciousness you are a grand creator. You can choose the colours for your tapestry, the tapestry of your life."